Stories
My Dream Girl
By: Shania Nowhere
Chapter One
It was just another day, one of many in my world of boring routine. Go to church, go to some buffet after, go home. Sludge through the rest of the week going to school, have a possible day of fun, then back to church. Rinse, repeat. But today wasn’t full of inarticulate monotony, today my life will change, for better or worse. Today...I met her.
Leaving my morning Sunday School class, I began heading toward the main chapel when I saw a girl I didn’t recognize. She was average height, thinly built with a striking mop of purple hair on top of her head. Her piercings caught the early afternoon light as she seemed to search for someone. I found myself admiring her punkish attire; looking down from her band tee, along her fitted yet torn jeans, to her dusty clunky biker boots. By the time my eyes moved back up to her pale face I found myself locking gazes with her. She had caught me staring at her, how long was I staring for? How embarrassing.
Before I had a chance to flee to the rear entrance, the girl crossed the distance between up, calling out to me.
“Hey you!” She had a deeper voice, gruff yet oddly sultry. I met her gaze again awkwardly, finding it hard to dismiss the determination in her green eyes.
“Y-yes?” I heard my voice almost squeak out as I attempted a helpful smile.
“Do you know where 16 year olds hang out around here?” She trotted to a stop in front of me; she had been looking for someone after all.
Looking around awkwardly, I motioned toward a stand of buildings I had just come from. “They should be in the auditorium over there.”
“Great, thanks,” She stopped and gave me a once over, a playful smirk flirting at the edge of her mouth. The next second her hand was stabbing the space between us. “You’re a regular, right? Name’s Amelia.”
I didn’t even think before my hand was clasping hers in a firm shake. “Rachel, um...I am.”
“Cool!” slipping next to me, she hooked her arm with mine. “So, Rachel, why don’t you show me the way like a good little girl?”
I felt my cheeks flush slightly at the sudden contact, my voice barely coming out as a mutter. “...18.”
“What was that?” She tilted her head curiously at me.
“I’m 18, I’m not a little girl,” I don’t know why I felt the need to make this distinction, but it seemed to amuse Amelia as she doubled over laughing.
“Alright, little ‘lady’,” She smirked playfully before pulling me along. “Take me to the teenagers!”
“Why do you need to find them anyway?” I frowned a little as I awkwardly trotted along with this strange woman.
“Because,” She contently maintained a decent gait as she made for the auditorium. “I’m here to see my kid brother.”
“Oh, I see,” I muttered, trying to think of something to say but the embarrassment making my head swim into silence.
We arrived at the auditorium where she finally released me to peer in through the window. It was almost cute how she tiptoed to see further into the room.
“You can just go in,” I noted, moving to open the door. Her hand clamped over mine suddenly as she pushed me back away from the door. “W-what are you doing?”
“I’m not here to pick him up, I just wanted to see him,” She admitted, glancing back at the door. “If I got caught here I might get in trouble.”
“Why?” I frowned a little, confused about her dodgy behavior.
She stepped back a little, scratching her head awkwardly as she looked down at her boots. “Because his folks think I’m a bad influence and shouldn’t be around him?”
“His folks…?” I tilted my head, finding myself more confused by this woman as answers led to more questions.
“Oh, yeah, it’s a long story,” She shrugged, fiddling with an earring subconsciously. “When do they come out of there? I mean, at the end of the churchy stuff.”
“They should be out soon, they usually join with the main chapel for the sermon,” I barely got out my answer when she gasped and grabbed my hand.
“Why didn’t you tell me!” breaking into a run she took off with me in tow, yanking me around the corner just in time as the main doors broke open to a tide of energetic teenagers. We both peered around the wall as the flood dispersed and meandered toward the main building or to waiting cars in the parking lot. One brown-haired boy walked out with a girl following him and obviously flirting, to which Amelia scoffed.
“Is that him?” I whispered, glancing at the woman curiously.
“Yeah, I can’t believe he’s still hanging out with that girl,” She grumbled, watching the bubbling blond girl with contempt. “I told him she was trouble but he never listens to me.”
“Aren’t you trouble too?” I blurted out before covering my mouth.
She looked around at me and winked in response. “I should know what I’m talking about then, eh?”
“I didn’t mean to say,” I sputtered before I felt her hand slip over my mouth, indicating I was being too loud. I quickly quieted down as she motioned for silence and returned to watching the kids walking along together.
They seemed pretty familiar with each other, almost as if they were dating. I wondered if they were but didn’t dare to ask until the coast was clear. Once the teens had all left the area and sounds of singing could be heard from the chapel, Amelia sighed and leaned her back against the wall.
“Thanks for not blowing my cover, you can go now,” She dismissed me as soon as my use was done, which oddly annoyed me.
Hands on my hips, I stared her down. “You sure have an odd way of treating strangers.”
She shrugged with a lopsided grin. “It’s what I do.”
“Somehow I don’t believe that,” I crossed my arms, eyeing her suspiciously. “Are you even from this area?”
“Nope!” She pushed off from the wall, wandering away toward the parking lot. I couldn’t help following her.
“That’s it? Nope?” I trotted to keep up with her long strides.
“Yup. Nope,” She winked at me again before looking around the lot as if making sure no one saw her.
“So where are you from then? How did you know to come here?” I frowned, finding myself more and more confused by this woman...and intrigued.
“Cause I knew this was his church,” She shrugged, still maintaining an aloof nature as she crossed the lot and headed toward the main road on foot. “You sure are nosy.”
“You literally dragged me into this,” I pointed out, following her.
“Fair enough!” She chuckled, turning to face me as she walked backward, hands in her shallow pockets. She nodded back toward the chapel. “Aren’t you going the wrong way?”
I stopped a moment, glancing back before shrugging and turning back to her. “I’m not going to die if I miss one sermon.”
“But what if you explode into flames,” Amelia motioned a bomb going off with her hands before grinning and turning to continue walking away.
“Highly unlikely,” I muttered, catching up to walk beside her. “So since I’ve been included in your complicated life story and you seem to have a ways to go on your journey, why not tell me why you’re lurking around my church?”
“Alright, Hall Monitor,” She smirked, gazing off at the sky. “My brother, Sam, we share the same father but different mothers. He was born before my folks got divorced, you can do the math.”
“Ah,” I nodded, imagining the complicated circumstances of her situation.
“Yeah, so it’s a long story,” She shrugged, glancing at me again. “Why do you want to know? Aren’t I the last person a good little ‘lady’ like you should be talking to?”
“Why do you say that?” I tilted my head in confusion.
“Well,” She looked me over again, I wasn’t sure why this made me feel squirmy inside. “Because you’re a church kid and I’m not.”
I scoffed at her reasoning, crossing my arms in defiance. “So? I hardly consider that grounds for me to shun you.”
“Really? Maybe you are interesting then,” She turned to face me again, a playful smirk on her face. “You’re not going to get in trouble for following me around?”
“Maybe, I don’t care, nothing interesting ever happens in my life,” I shrugged nonchalantly.
“Well stick around and you’ll have more than your fair share of drama, this is your chance to get away while you still can,” Amelia was clearly teasing me as she stepped out onto the sidewalk running along the main street.
“I’m not scared, unless you’re gonna drag me into a robbery or something,” I eyed her curiously.
She smirked and pointed to a car parked in the gas station lot next door. “That’s my ride, want to go somewhere?”
“What do you mean?” I noticed she had dodged my question but the playful glint in her eye had stopped me in my tracks.
She approached me, playing with a lock of my hair as our gazes met. “Let’s go somewhere, little ‘lady’.”
I felt the color rise in my cheeks as I blinked away the haze of shock rising inside, stepping back a little from her reach. “Are you...suggesting…”
Suddenly she burst into laughter, almost doubling over. “Oh man, your face right now!”
If my face could be any more red I’m sure I looked like a stop sign. “H-hey, that’s not funny!”
“Sure it is!” She wiped her eye, smirking with amusement. “You’re alright, kid. You should go back to church though, you’ll get in trouble with mommy and daddy if you aren’t there, right? Thanks for the help earlier.” With that she waved and turned to stroll toward her vehicle.
I gawked after her before shouting in indignation. “I’m not a kid!”
She just shook her head as she lazily waved her hand over her shoulder, continuing on to her car and driving away with a honk of her horn.
I didn’t notice that the singing had stopped, I only saw the rear lights of a red jeep disappearing down the street.
Chapter Two
A month had passed since my whirlwind meeting with Amelia, I thought it had all been a daydream but I still saw her brother around church with the girl that I eventually learned was his girlfriend after all. I was at the mall one Saturday for a bit of window shopping with my parents. Mom was trying to find some pants and overshirts for my dad so naturally I was left to trail around after them around the stores. As they made their way toward the department store, I caught sight of something familiar in the game store. I asked if I could wander around the mall while they shopped, thankfully being dismissed from my shadowing position. I made a beeline for the little shop, making sure my folks hadn’t followed before not-so-casually sidling up to a girl browsing in the back.
“I don’t see your brother here,” I commented casually, catching her off guard.
Turning to face me, the purple-haired dream girl smirked at my comment. “Well hey, if it isn’t the little church lady.” She gave me a once-over before smiling in approval. “You look good in street clothes.”
I couldn’t help the blush that rose on my cheeks as I found myself lightly shoving her shoulder, an oddly friendly gesture for someone I barely knew. “I told you I’m not a stuffy person.”
“Clearly,” She chuckled and went back to browsing the shelf after glancing behind us. “Flying solo today?”
“Something like that,” I muttered, looking at the games on the shelf in front of us. “Didn’t take you for a gamer.”
“I’m not,” She reached up, pulling a game box off the shelf to inspect it.
“For your brother?” I asked curiously.
“Yup,” She showed me the game, it was some generic shooter. “Think boys like crap like this?”
“Probably,” I shrugged. “I’m more of an RPG kind of person, but if you’re going for a shooter I heard this one was good.” I pulled down another game and showed it to her.
“Yeah? Thanks, I don’t think he has it,” She mused, reading over the game description on the back.
I watched her a moment, taking in her appearance. She was wearing a different band tee today, with a strappy jacket over it. It definitely gave off a “don’t mess with me” vibe, likely the intention behind the ensemble. I must have been staring too long again because I heard a clearing throat, looking up to see Amelia staring at me with an amused glint in her eyes.
“Like what you see?” She grinned playfully at me, turning to lean casually against the game display.
“What? Oh, um…” Flustered, I mumbled some sort of apology before changing the topic. “Is it for his birthday? The game…”
“Yeah, it’s coming up next week, figured I’d get him something,” She sighed, looking at the game again.
“How are you going to get it to him? If you can’t see him in person,” I shifted awkwardly, rubbing my arm to get rid of the chill I suddenly felt.
Looking thoughtful, her expression slowly melted into a sly smirk as she held the game out to me. “You give it to him for me.”
“What? Me? Why?” I sputtered, starting to reach for the game instinctively before pushing it back. “Just mail it to him!”
“I don’t have his address,” She shrugged, pressing it back toward me. “Besides, his Dad would know it was from me and trash it before he even saw it.”
“Versus trashing it after I gave it to him?” I frowned, pushing against it.
“He could just say one of his little church friends got it for him, he’d be good about it,” She insisted. “Come on, be a pal.”
“But we’re not even friends!” I protested, feeling flustered by her casual demeanor.
“You want to be?” She grinned at me, draping an arm around my shoulders as she lowered her voice. “You’re the one who came in here to talk to me, bet you didn’t tell your parents, did you?”
Embarrassed, I squirmed away from her touch, folding my arms over my chest. “I’m an adult, I don’t have to tell them everything.”
Amelia laughed, her eyes dancing with amusement. “I like you, you’re spunky! Tellin’ it to the man! Let’s hang out.”
Before I knew what was happening, Amelia had hooked her arm in mine again and was dragging me toward the counter to pay for the game before leaving the store. Within moments we were heading for some apparel store that fit her style. I didn’t even have a chance to protest before we were perusing the wares inside the dimly lit goth shop of her fancy.
“Oh, look at this belt, this would be great with my other pants,” She grinned, holding a studded belt up to her trim waist.
I shook my head, smiling despite myself. “So punk, much edgy.”
“I know, right?” She laughed and put the belt back on the rack before reaching for a bracelet up higher on a shelf. I caught a glimpse of her midriff, a flash of a tattoo peeking out that seemed to trail off in either direction under her apparel.
“You have a tattoo?” I couldn’t help questioning it as she turned to face me again.
“Oh, this?” Without hesitation, she lifted her shirt to the underside of her breast, her other hand tugging her waistband down low on her hip.
Flustered for a moment, I leaned in slightly to admire the body work she had: a detailed dragon tail backed by sakura blossoms snaked along her ribcage and down further than her pants would allow with her demonstration. I tilted my head curiously, wondering what the tail connected to around back. Almost as if on command she turned and lifted the back of her shirt to display a fiercely elegant dragon clinging to her flesh and giving a mighty roar.
“Pretty badass, right?” She grinned over her shoulder before dropping her shirt back down to cover it all again.
“It’s amazing, I don’t have the guts to get a tattoo but I think they look really cool,” I moved back again, glancing around in hopes no one saw the brash display in the store. We were thankfully more or less alone save for the employees who were lazily idling around the register counter. No one had noticed.
“No? Come on, they’re not that bad,” She rubbed her ribcage a little wryly. “Though the ribs kind of hurt like a mother.”
“I take it you’re older than 18 if you have tattoos,” I glanced at her curiously.
“I’m 21, actually,” She smirked a little. “Why, am I too old to be friends with you?”
“Oh no,” I waved my hands nervously. “I prefer older women. I mean, older people in general! I’m...I’m not really good with people my age…”
“You’ve been talking to me just fine,” She lightly patted my shoulder as she strolled further into the shop. “Cut yourself some slack.”
I did find it pretty easy to talk to her, which was a wonder considering my crippling social anxiety around strangers and even close acquaintances. I felt my cheeks flush as I followed her, nonchalantly reviewing the items for sale that I wasn’t able to afford. “I’m really not that good around strangers. You’re an exception.”
“Wow, then I feel special,” Amelia chuckled, grabbing a plaid miniskirt off the rack and modeling it. “What do you think, is it me?”
“That would be cute over jeans,” I mused casually.
“Over jeans? What are you, a prude? Of course you are,” She sighed before trotting off to the changing room, popping inside. A moment later she twirled out wearing the skirt sans pants, a flash of her black panties peeking out upon the skirt catching the air. “Now how do I look? Pretty hot, right?”
I felt my face explode in heat, hurriedly looking all around before rushing to block her body with my own. “What are you doing!” I hissed awkwardly. “I could see your underwear!”
“What, these?” She flashed me her undergarments purposefully before I shoved the fabric back down over her. She laughed at my embarrassment. “It’s just underwear! We’re girls, what’s the big deal?”
“You’re in a store! In public!” Exasperated and thoroughly embarrassed to be around this brash woman, I ushered her back into the changing room and shut the door.
“This is cozy,” She commented, leaning against the opposite wall as she crossed her surprisingly long and pale legs.
“What is with you??” My cheeks burned as I felt my heart racing, keeping my distance despite that only creating a foot at most of space between us. “Are you some crazy thrill seeker or something?”
She seemed to think about it for a moment before winking at me. “I guess you could say that. It’s funny when you get flustered, you get so red-faced.” Her hand reached out to poke my cheek for added teasing.
I swatted her hand away, feeling the burn even more where her finger had touched me. “Th-that’s…”
“What? What is it?” She tilted her head, watching me curiously. “Do you have a crush on me?”
“What? Why would you…” I stammered in surprise, wondering if my face would eventually explode from the rush of blood.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Amelia’s eyes almost pierced through me as she asked her question.
“I...well...n-no,” My voice lowered, almost feeling shameful that a girl my age still hadn’t dated.
“A girlfriend, then?” She smirked in amusement, her hip cocking ever so slightly to the right.
“No,” I said more adamantly than I meant.
A thoughtful slyness creeping over her expression as she bridged the gap between us, placing her hands on either side of my shoulders to in essence trap me in her gaze. “Do you want one?”
“What...are you…” I couldn’t believe the situation I was finding myself in. Awkwardly I tried to melt into the wall to create more space but found the wall unforgivingly solid, leaving me with barely an inch to breathe in.
“I’m asking you out, what does it look like?” She purred just loud enough for me to hear her. “I see the way you look at me, are you gonna tell me you don’t feel that way about me at all?”
That would be a flat out lie and I knew it. Biting my lip I tried to look away but she seemed to be everywhere I looked, relentless and erotic. I had wondered what dating a woman would be like, not that I ever dared to pursue such thoughts beyond the occasional girl crush on celebrities or fictional characters. Here was my opportunity, yet I felt a conflict inside that made me tremble.
“I...I couldn’t...my parents,” I attempted to reason away the feelings, shielding myself with the promise of parental disapproval.
“Screw ‘em, I asked what you thought of me, not your folks,” She tilted her head a little, piercing me with her hot stare. “Unless you aren’t a grown up, after all.”
“I...I am,” I protested, meeting her gaze in an effort to be bold.
“Then be an adult and keep your private life to yourself, it’s none of their business,” She shot back boldly, almost as if she were trying to instill some courage in me.
“You don’t understand, I still have to live with them,” I sputtered anxiously. “I still have to live by their rules so long as I live under their roof.”
Sighing, she pulled away and took the skirt off before pulling her pants back on. I looked away until she was dressed again, feeling an uneasy flutter in my gut at being so close to her. She started toward the door when I felt myself reach for her hand to stop her.
“Why...did you ask me out?” I heard my hushed and uncomfortable voice barely gasp out my inquiry, too timid to meet her gaze.
Pausing as if to consider the question, she turned to face me more. “Because I thought you were interesting.”
“Interesting?” I looked up, slight surprise in my voice. No one had really regarded me as interesting. I tended to be regarded congenially as the sweet and quiet little girl who people didn’t mind having around but didn’t go out of their way to spend time with. I just existed, having no great impact on anyone’s life aside from passing consideration.
“Yeah! You’ve gone along with all my crazy ideas so far with barely a complaint,” Amelia grinned at me.
“I’ve complained almost every step of the way,” My eyebrow cocked up in disbelief.
“But you never straight up refused me,” She crossed her arms, regarding me thoughtfully. “And you think I’m cool, so that makes you cool too.”
“Does it?” I was baffled by her rational.
“Sure, because I only hang out with cool people. I could tell you were cool, you just haven’t come out of your shell yet,” She coyly played with a lock of my hair.
Averting my gaze, I felt my heart racing again. “I’m really not that interesting, I’m...really plain.”
“Plain? No way!” She scoffed, looking me over. “Your style is way eccentric, and your bag is pretty cool.”
I looked down at my purple and pink plaid messenger bag adorned frivolously with pins, prepared to trigger a metal detector from a mile away. “This?”
“Yeah, it really shows your flair,” She leaned down to peer at the pins curiously. “You like anime?”
“Yes,” I muttered my response shyly, fiddling with my bag strap. “Some stuff…”
“Let me guess, you don’t get to watch a lot with your folks around,” She smirked up at me.
I shook my head in response. “No, I get all my anime from the library...they don’t have a lot there.”
“Really? You don’t have cable?” She seemed surprised, standing up to regard me again thoughtfully.
“N-no, we can’t afford it,” I felt my shame for my lot in life as a second-class citizen.
She shrugged, gingerly touching the pins with the tips of her fingers. “Nothing wrong with that, so they’re okay with you watching anime? They don’t think it’s Satan’s entertainment?”
“How stuffy do you think my parents are?” I frowned at her insinuations.
“Well, I figured if they didn’t want a queer daughter, they might be strict about other stuff,” she tilted her head curiously. “Am I wrong?”
“Well,” I quietly muttered, watching her fingers dance across the acrylic figures so close to my hip. “Yes and no…”
Making a thoughtful face, Amelia pulled a phone out of her jacket pocket. “What’s your phone number? You have a phone, right?”
“Oh, yes,” I fumbled with my bag, pulling out my beat-up flip phone. It looked old enough that a 5-story fall wouldn’t defeat it.
Whistling, she snatched the phone from me, looking over the archaic device. “I haven’t seen a flip phone in ages!”
“Hey!” I tried to snatch it away from her but narrowly missed as she turned away, fiddling with both phones out of my reach.
Eventually returning the phone to me, she grinned triumphantly. “There. I put my number in your phone. You should give me a call any time you want to hang out. As friends...or whatever.”
Blushing, I swiftly tucked the phone away into my bag. “Or whatever…?”
“Yeah...whatever,” She tossed me a wink before scooping the skirt up and flouncing out of the changing room, making her way to the checkout counter with her purchase.
I felt my heart racing after her as I stayed behind to catch my breath, smacking my cheeks lightly to bring myself back to my senses. Shaking the fog out of my head I stepped out of the changing room, peering around the door to see her waving at me from the entrance to the store.
“I gotta run, see you around, Little Lady!” Before I had a chance to protest her abrupt departure she had disappeared into the crowds of the mall traffic.
Stunned and still a bit flustered, I meandered out of the store and reached into my bag to call my parents about their whereabouts. An unknown lump briefly distracted me from my task as I pulled a small plastic bag containing the video game Amelia had purchased.
“When did she…” I shook my head, marveling at her sneaky hands. Had that entire proposal just been a distraction so she could stash the gift? That woman was dangerously sneaky, I’d have to keep a close eye on her from now on...not that she’d likely mind a whole lot. I don’t think I’ll ever understand her, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.
Chapter Three
The day finally came when I was to gift the game to Amelia’s brother, dread hung over me as I clutched the wrapped gift and stared at the auditorium doors. I wasn’t very good at talking to younger kids, let alone sassy teenagers, disregarding the fact I was still technically a teenager myself. It was close to time for the group to be dismissed, I opted to hang close to the water fountains to seem more inconspicuous.
Just when I was about to pretend to take my third drink from the fountain, the doors flew open as a wave of chattering teens flooded the sidewalks. Furtively searching the sea of bobbing heads, I managed to recall Sam’s appearance and awkwardly called out to him.
Pausing, the boy looked around as if he hadn’t figured out who had called his name. I waved my hand awkwardly hoping to catch his eye until he turned my way and spotted me. With a confused expression he approached me, his hands stuffed firmly in his pockets. He looked very much like his sister that way.
“Who are you?” He questioned me gruffly, trying to act cool.
“I’m...a friend of your sister’s,” I muttered awkwardly, holding out the present. “This is for you.”
“From Amelia?” he looked around as if expecting her to be hiding somewhere nearby.
“She’s not here, she said,” I hesitated before continuing in a quieter voice. “She said your father didn’t want to catch her around so…”
“So, you’re her delivery chick?” He sighed, taking the present and looking over it with disinterest.
“Something like that,” I rubbed my arm, hoping I didn’t look too suspicious to passersby. “Don’t tell him it’s from her.”
“I know the drill,” He grumbled, unwrapping the package in front of me. His eyes widened before he hollered with excitement. “Oh man, I wanted this game!”
“Yeah?” I smiled a bit, glad my advice had paid off.
“Yeah, I can’t wait to play it! Thanks, lady!” Without another word, Sam darted off after a group of boys who he cheerfully showed the game off to. I could hear their jealous remarks as they vanished around a corner.
Content that the exchange had gone well, I made my way toward the chapel for morning service with an extra spring of confidence in my step. After the service, I eagerly texted Amelia the news.
< “It’s done, Sam really liked the present.” >
< “Seriously?? I’m so happy, I could kiss you!” >
I felt my cheeks blushing at the thought of what it might feel like to kiss Amelia, she had fairly full lips that were adorned with what looked to be some kind of lip balm. I vaguely wondered what flavor it might be when another text came in on my phone.
< “Do you want to hang out? Are you done with your churchy stuff?” >
My heart leapt at the thought of getting to see her again so soon, swiftly being met with anxiety of having to ask for permission to go out. I looked around for my parents, not seeing them nearby. Hesitantly I responded.
< “Yes, I’m done. Let me ask -” >
I stopped mid-sentence. Why did I have to ask for permission? I was an adult, I could spend my time with whoever I wanted, it’s not like I was doing anything wrong. She was just a friend, we were just friends. Erasing my initial response, I took a deep breath and sent a reply.
< “Yes, I’d like that.” >
Did I sound too desperate? Fretting, I hurried to find my parents, spotting them lingering around a few of their church friends. Clearing my throat, I attempted my coolest demeanor as I approached.
“Hey Mom,” I automatically went to the path of least resistance. “One of my friends wants to hang out after church, they’re gonna pick me up soon.”
“Oh, you’re going out?” She looked surprised, then excited that I actually had plans. “Is it someone we know?”
“Oh, no, just someone from youth group,” I knew it was a lie but how could I explain that I was going to meet an older woman who had flashed me with her panties and hit on me in a dressing room?
“Alright, well have fun. Don’t be out too late,” She seemed somewhat concerned but didn’t inquire further.
Waving, I didn’t hesitate to hurry out the door before my father could interject on the decision. I had made plans with someone, and spontaneously! This was both an exciting milestone in my life and a completely unknown terror. It was too late to turn back now as I made my way across the parking lot, the vibration of my phone bringing me to a brief stop.
< “Meet me at the gas station.” >
My heart feeling like it would beat me there, I took off at a run out into the street-side sidewalk, hurrying toward the first place I had seen her red jeep. As I got closer to the station, I saw her vehicle parked in the same spot it had been before, turned off. Frowning, I crossed the rest of the distance between us before leaning through the passenger-side window she had left down.
“Were you here the whole time?” I panted lightly, staring at her in disbelief.
“Did you miss me so much you ran?” There was a hint of sadistic glee in her voice as she eyed me lazily, her feet propped in the window on her side of the car as she reclined in her seat.
“Shut up,” I couldn’t think of a better comeback as I hopped into the vehicle, buckling myself in.
Chuckling, she withdrew her feet from the window and adjusted her seat, grinning at me all the while. “Where do you want to go?”
“I thought you had plans,” I looked back indignantly, confused by her extreme casual nature.
“Not really,” She mused, turning the car on. “I just figured I’d see if you were busy cause I was bored.”
“What do you usually do on Sundays?” There wasn’t much I knew about Amelia, aside from the fact she was three years older than me, lacked an ounce of modesty, and was more aloof than a pack of foxes.
“Not much,” She remarked, pulling out of the parking space. “Sometimes I drive around and enjoy the breeze, maybe troll the mall for young girls to hit on.”
“Hey…” I tossed a dirty look at her.
Laughing, she stopped at the entryway waiting to merge into traffic. “I haven’t been to the beach in a while, how about we go there?”
“But I don’t have a bathing suit,” I blinked, blushing a little at the thought of her in a bikini, or would she wear anything? There weren’t any nude beaches in the area, that I knew of, so I was fairly safe from that occurrence.
“So? We can just chill and enjoy the breeze, make fun of the tourists, maybe get a tan,” She looked me over. “You’re oddly pale for a Florida gal.”
“I don’t go out much,” I muttered, shifting awkwardly in the seat as I felt suddenly self-conscious. “You’re just as pale as I am.”
“True!” She laughed, pulling out into traffic and heading toward the beach. “I don’t really tan well, I just burn and look like a lobster for a while.”
“That sounds painful,” I held my hair out of my face as the wind picked up. I lamented the lack of hair ties I had on my person.
“It really is, so I try to avoid it if possible,” She leaned over a little to fiddle with the radio. “Mind if I put on some tunes?”
“No, go ahead, it’s your car,” I shrugged, wondering what her style of music was.
Turning the volume knob, she began to blast a local rock station, jamming out to some heavy metal tune I wasn’t familiar with. The bass had been cranked up in her speakers, causing the seats to thrum with the beat of the songs. The vibrations made me fidget further, an uneasy feeling rising inside me. I attempted to ignore it as best I could.
“So, Little Lady, are you done with school yet? You said you were 18, right?” Amelia hollered over the music as she dodged in and out of traffic.
“I just graduated this year,” I held on tight, feeling my body sliding with the swerves.
“Oh yeah? Which school?”
“I was homeschooled, actually,” I prepared myself for the usual assumptions of a sheltered childhood.
“No way! That’s pretty cool, you must be pretty smart, right?” She remarked joyfully, to my surprise.
“I don’t know, I guess so?” My cheeks burned a little as I tried to settle myself better in the seat. “Why do you say that?”
“Most of the homeschoolers I’ve ever met were really smart,” She noted. “They were also really awkward and bad at socializing.”
“Gee thanks,” I threw a lackluster smile her way.
Amelia laughed, tossing me a wink. “You’re still cute, so I can overlook a few personality defects.”
“Hey!” I swatted her shoulder in retaliation as she continued to laugh at my expense.
After a while driving and idly exchanging small talk, we arrived at a relatively empty beach front. The weather was on the cloudy side, looking like it might threaten to downpour any minute and ruin any attempts at enjoying the beach breeze. Hopping out of the car, we strolled out onto the sand, taking off our shoes to enjoy the warm feeling between our toes. We found a nice spot just over the ridge of seaweed where the tide typically came up to, settling in the sand just past the dried-up debris.
Tucking my skirts around myself to prevent any clothing malfunctions in the breeze, I inhaled the smell of the sea water. I heard a sigh beside me and looked over to see Amelia sprawl out on the sand, basking in the dulled afternoon sun.
“This is nice,” Amelia yawned, closing her eyes as she seemed perfectly content there, despite looking sorely out of place in her punk rocker motif.
“Yeah,” I vaguely agreed, turning my attention to watching the waves coming in and break on the shore. We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the weather until drops of water began to hit my face. Turning my face skyward, more droplets hit. Starting to get up, I looked down at Amelia. “It’s starting to rain, we should go.”
“What’s your hurry? It might pass,” She responded lazily, not moving from her spot. As if challenging her statement, the rain swiftly picked up, drenching us to our core.
Scrambling to gather our things, we hurried up the beach, making our way back to the jeep where we hopped in, damp clothes sticking to the seats. The drum of the rain on the roof mixed with Amelia’s laughter as she dropped her shoes in the trunk, peeling her damp shirt off to drape it over the seat to dry.
Glancing over, I saw her pale skin glistening with each breath she took. Her modest bosom was cupped snugly by a lacy black bra, the hint of her taut nipples pressing through the delicate fabric. I could tell she had a piercing on her right breast, causing an odd feeling to wash over me as I averted my eyes to the storm outside.
“Are you cold?” Amelia turned on the jeep, the AC quickly fogging up the windows with condensation.
“No,” I felt self-conscious about sitting so close to her in such a state of undress, reminding me of her free-spirited nature. I stared down at my lap when I could no longer see out the window, fiddling nervously with the damp fabric of my skirt which was now clinging to my thighs.
I felt a heat at the back of my neck and turned to see Amelia staring at me, a nondescript glimmer in her eyes. Stumbling over my words, I attempted to meet her gaze. “W-what is it?”
“You’re blushing again,” She noted bluntly, draping an arm over the back of her seat.
“I am not,” I denied vehemently, trying to look away. I felt a hand on my chin, drawing me back to those sharp green eyes.
“Beet red,” She clucked her tongue, tilting her head. “If you want to look you can, you don’t have to be weird about it.”
“Why would I…” I began to deny it further when her hand slipped to mine, pulling it up to cup her breast. I could feel my face instantly burn with a confusing mix of trepidation and curiosity, the soft yet clammy feeling of her breast tantalizing my senses.
“Why wouldn’t you?” She spoke in a quieter tone that still held the same confidence she seemed to live by.
I was mortified, partly because I was touching another woman’s private place, largely because I was actually fascinated by how pleasant it was. My breathing quickened, I tried to pull away, averting my gaze. “I...I can’t.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” She calmly pressed, holding my hand in place.
Maybe I didn’t want to answer her question because I was afraid of the answer I had deep in my heart. As if sensing my dilemma, I felt her mold her own breast with my hand, encouraging me to explore the feeling further. I looked backed nervously, marveling at how perfectly she fit in my palm.
“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone,” She assured me, letting her hand fall away to leave me with the choice to stay or go. “You can do whatever you want to me.”
I wanted to, I really did. I’d never been this close to someone, male or female, so it felt like a once in a lifetime experience. It wasn’t exactly having sex if it was just touching over clothes, right? It wasn’t like I had a concern of getting pregnant from another woman, though there was the matter of STDs…
“If you have to think about it that much, I might get insulted,” She commented, seeing the perplexed expression crossing my face as my mind drifted.
I bit my lip awkwardly, deciding that it wouldn’t hurt anything to take her up on her offer, they were just breasts, after all. Slowly I adjusted my grip, sliding my hand over the fabric and feeling its silkiness against her warm softness. I felt her nipple tighten under my touch and rubbed it gently with my palm, causing her to close her eyes slightly.
“You’re getting into this, huh?” She murmured, allowing me full reign of her body without returning the touches.
Uncertain, I began to massage her breast more before lightly pinching her nipple between my fingers. This caused her to groan in approval, sending chills down my spine. My exploration was actually causing her pleasure, something I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with but didn’t want to stop.
As I slowly became more confident with my touches, she reached behind her and locked the door before undoing her bra, peeling it away from her torso and exposing her creamy skin to me. Her nipples were different from mine, darker and more attentive. I was intrigued by how reactive she was to my caresses and reached to touch her right breast, fiddling with the piercing to see what reaction that got from her. She leaned into the sensation, her lips slightly parted as if savoring the sensation.
“Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” She questioned in a husky tone, her voice deeper and more sensual than usual.
Blushing, I looked away before pinching her nipple harder. “I have breasts too, you know. I know how they work.”
She bucked at the sharp pain, gasping and smirking at me in amusement. “Dammit, quit teasing me. You’re going to make me horny.”
“You weren’t already?” I quirked an eyebrow at her, thinking she was exaggerating her claims.
“Fair...enough,” She moaned as I returned to playing with her nipples in turn. Her green eyes hooded with lazy desire, she breathed out casually. “I bet you haven’t tasted them before.”
“Tasted…” I was sure I couldn’t become any redder, yet it felt like my cheeks were going to melt off with how hot they were.
“Go ahead, I won’t stop you,” She rumbled hazily, bracing herself between the steering wheel and the seat so her breasts were fully accessible to me.
Chewing my lip in contemplation, I eventually dipped my head closer and gave a timid lick across her left nipple. I felt her shiver beneath my touch and pressed my tongue to her nipple more firmly, swirling around the bud of flesh as she gasped. Taking her into my mouth, I suckled there intently, rather enjoying the soft feeling of her skin in my mouth. She tasted like a mix of salt and fresh rain, both savory and refreshing to my senses.
I heard a shift and looked down to see her hand disappear inside her pants as her head fell back. Was she…
“Don’t stop,” She whispered, pulling me close again as I hesitated to go further. Obliging her, I continued to give her breasts attention as she brought herself to orgasm. I listened to the noises she made, her breath warming the air around us as she got closer and closer to the edge. With a tremor that shook her entire body, she cried out and braced herself as her orgasm washed over her hard. Crashing down from it, she leaned against the door, panting and staring at me with satisfied eyes.
I leaned back in my seat, staring at her with an uncertain yet pleased feeling inside. I had helped her feel pleasure, something I hadn’t done for anyone but myself before today. It felt good, though slightly wrong since we weren’t even dating.
She laughed, playfully shoving my shoulder as she readjusted herself and put her bra back on. “Quit looking so horrified, you’ll give me a complex. You’re pretty damn good with that tongue of yours.”
“Don’t say that,” I blushed, looking away in embarrassment. I felt her hand touch my cheek again and closed my eyes to avoid meeting her gaze. The next second I felt her soft lips touching mine, pressing close and moving against me seductively. Surprised, I froze and blinked my eyes open in shock, feeling a chill run down my spine.
Amelia pulled away, smirking playfully at me before seeing the look of horror on my face, frowning a little. “What, am I that bad a kisser?”
Flustered, I shook my head and caught my breath, looking down awkwardly. “I...it was…”
Gasping she sat back in surprise. “Don’t tell me that was your first kiss?” Judging by my clamped lips she scratched her head awkwardly. “Am I your first anything?”
“Quit making fun of me!” I stammered, pulling away further against the car door.
“I’m not,” she reached out, taking my hand and squeezing it gently. “It’s...it’s cute.”
“It sure sounds like you’re making fun of me,” I glared at her, crossing my arms defensively.
Chuckling, she shook her head and slipped closer to me over the gap between the seats. “No way, it’s a good thing. You’re real, genuine. It’s...nice.”
“Nice?” I felt myself pouting at her choice of words.
“Very nice,” She purred, close enough to kiss me again. Nuzzling my cheek tenderly she captured my lips again, urging me to follow her movements.
My lips awkwardly matched her rhythm, trying to do something other than tightening against her touch. I felt her hand slip behind my head and cup the back of my neck, sweetening the kiss with a steady hand. Just as slowly as she began to heat up, she pulled back and looked me in the eyes.
“Say you’ll be my girlfriend,” She purred, running her fingers through my hair.
Blushing, I bit my lip lightly. It was already getting tender from her affection. “Why me? You could have anyone in the world.”
“Yeah, and I want you,” She retorted without hesitation, grasping my chin with her hand to meet my gaze. “Do you want me?”
“I…” What did I want? That was a question I had barely entertained considering the complete unknown of this situation. But the answer quickly rose out of my heart, answering her in a shaky voice. “I do…”
“Then let’s be together. Say you’ll be mine and I’ll be yours,” She nuzzled my neck, nibbling and kissing at the tender flesh there.
“I...I want to be yours,” I had never been wanted by anyone, it felt...amazing. Reassuring. Wonderful. Pulling myself closer to her, I surrendered to her passions, exploring the unknown with my new lover in a fogged up red jeep. The rain drummed down even harder, drowning out any sounds coming from that vehicle for the rest of the afternoon.
She tasted like strawberry cream.
Chapter Four
I had a lot of free time on my hands these days, seeing as I was no longer in school and also without a job. Work was hard to find when you didn’t have a license or courage to even go out to apply places. This meant I had plenty of time to see Amelia though, considering my parents didn’t get home until well after 5:30 most days I had the entire day to spend with her.
Some days we just cruised the cities, enjoying the freedom of roaming. Other times we found a quiet place to explore our new romance in peace without the prying eyes of judgement upon us. Time felt like it was passing more slowly for us, allowing us this period to share together, as if blessing our partnership’s existence. But before either of us had time to truly think about the future, it was upon us. Three months had passed and I found myself waiting by the window for the familiar red jeep to drive up. She was supposed to arrive around mid-morning so we could go to the beach again but there had been no signs of her for hours. Drooping on the couch, I flopped over with a sigh, pulling out my phone to contact her.
< “Hey, Amelia, where are you? Is everything okay?” >
I hesitated to send the message. I didn’t want to come off as clingy, I had a bad habit of getting too attached to people. I always assumed this was why no one got too close, no one really wanted a dependent friend in their life. We had established a pretty carefree relationship over the months, something I was worried about ruining every second I spent with her. Sometimes it was hard to enjoy our time together because of the underlying anxiety I always had. ‘Don’t screw this up’ ran through my head frequently. Taking a breath, I sent the message and groaned in pained anticipation of her response.
But one never came. I laid on the couch for hours more until it was almost 5pm. It was too late to go out now so I pulled myself together and began cooking dinner. I almost burnt a few things, including a pot of water, as my mind raced in wonder of what had happened to her. Was she okay? Had she gotten into an accident? Did the day finally come and she dumped me for a more interesting person? No, she hadn’t been acting any different lately, that couldn’t be it…
“We’re home,” The familiar creak of the door sounded as my parents arrived, dumping their worldly possessions on their way to the bedroom for their evening costume change. Per usual my mother stopped in the kitchen to share about her day at work, not even noticing that anything was amiss. I loved her dearly, but she tended to become too wrapped up in her stories to notice any changes in my own mood. I just nodded and listened, happy for a distraction from my fretful day.
The hours rolled past, I sat by the window wishing that somehow she’d show up and explain everything but that moment never came. Days passed until it was Sunday again, I hadn’t heard from her once despite my occasional text trying to get a response from her.
I found myself wandering the sidewalks of the church property in confusion and dismay, wondering if she had dumped me, after all. I heard voices approaching and looked up to see a crowd of teenagers passing by. One of them was Sam. Without another thought I hurried over to him, trying to get his attention.
“Sam!” I called out, reaching for his arm to stop him.
He looked over at me, frowning slightly before recognizing my face and breaking away from the herd. “What do you want?”
He seemed to have more of an attitude than usual, but I didn’t let it faze me. “Have you...have you heard from your sister lately?”
“Not since she went to jail,” He shrugged, awkwardly shifting his stance and shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Jail??” I looked horrified, lowering my voice. “What are you talking about? Why did she go to jail?”
“She stuck her nose where it shouldn’t have been,” The way he said that it almost sounded like he was parroting someone else.
I frowned, looking around to see if we were alone. The girl he was usually with was nowhere to be seen and his friends had moved on. “How does that get you thrown in jail? What happened?”
“It’s none of your business, I don’t even know you,” He frowned, starting to turn away.
“It is my business! She’s…” I hesitated, having never admitted it out loud. “She’s my girlfriend.”
Eyes widening, he whirled around and gawked at me. “You and Amelia? No way!”
“Y-yes...way…” I stammered awkwardly, waving at him in embarrassment. “Please keep your voice down.”
He seemed skeptical but obliged with my request, lowering his tone. “Why would you date someone like Amelia?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I remembered her retort, feeling my chest constrict a little at the idea I might not see her again.
“Cause she’s trouble,” He shrugged, though his words still didn’t sound like his own.
“Do you really believe that?” I implored, trying to get through to him and find out what happened. “Amelia adored you, she always talked about you and how she wished she could spend time with you.”
Hesitating, he looked up at me with puzzlement. “She did?”
“Yeah! She just...couldn’t, because of your Dad,” I slowly spoke, hoping it wasn’t a sore spot.
He made a face and looked away, scoffing the ground lightly with his shoe as he kicked a pebble. “He’s the one that got her thrown in jail.”
“What? Really? Why??” I heard my voice start to raise and blushed, quickly silencing myself.
Sighing as if he wasn’t fully comfortable with sharing the information, he shrugged and shifted his stance again. “Cause she attacked him, my Dad.”
“Attacked him?” She didn’t seem like the type that would have a temper, she had always been so laid back and chill around me. “That...that doesn’t sound like Amelia…”
“Do you really know her that well?” He almost taunted me, seeming disgruntled. “Her and my Dad fight all the time. She’s trouble, you know.”
“Amelia’s not a bad person!” I felt my temper flaring, wanting to defend her honor. “She’s kind and generous, and...and she’s always been good to me!”
“You were just her toy, don’t feel bad, she goes through a lot of girlfriends and boyfriends,” The way he said it was so casual, like our relationship had no meaning.
“That’s not…” I felt my confidence wavering, had everything been a lie after all? No...it felt too real, too honest. I steeled my nerves to get to the bottom of things. “That’s not how our relationship was. What we had was real!”
“Look, I don’t really care that much,” He shrugged, trying to get away from the awkward conversation about relationships.
“Your relationship with your girlfriend is real, right?” I shot back, trying to find something to relate to. This was obviously the wrong choice as his face contorted into a guarded aggression.
“That’s none of your business too! I don’t care if you were screwing my sister, that doesn’t make us family!” His words stabbed me viciously, this was clearly a sore spot for him. “Stay out of our lives!” With that, he stormed off, leaving me exposed and wounded from the news I received.
It didn’t make any sense, it didn’t sound like Amelia at all. Why would she fight with his father to the point of physical violence? What had happened that caused someone as calm as Amelia to become so aggressive? Why wouldn’t anyone tell me anything? It was like everything that happened meant nothing, but it meant so much more to me.
Months passed, I tried finding out where Amelia was being held but I didn’t know her last name. This only proved to make me feel even more distant from her, I really didn’t know anything about her. That didn’t stop me from trying to contact local police stations via email to inquire on her whereabouts. No one had records of her arrest, making it feel like she had just disappeared.
The days blurred together, I had almost given up hope finding her. Sam had stopped attending church so I had no further connection to her life. I had been abandoned, I just didn’t want to accept it. I wanted to believe so much that we had just been ripped apart and if I tried hard enough, I could get back to her. That on the other end of things she was fighting to get back to me too.
Her phone number eventually became disconnected. All the texts I had sent were lost to all but me. I sometimes spent my days scrolling through prior messages, always stopping on the string of one-sided pleas for answers. I had mourned, I had begged, I had raged, I had been in denial and slowly begun to accept that she was really gone. I was again alone in the world.
It had been six months since I had last seen Amelia, it was just another Sunday when my phone began to vibrate. No one called me so I was a bit surprised to see a number displayed on the phone that I didn’t recognize. Hesitantly I answered.
“Hello, is this Rachel…?” The voice read off my name, stumbling over my last name awkwardly.
“It is,” It was habit to cut people off, recognizing they were looking for me.
“Hi, I’m detective Jose Sanchez of the Cooper City Police department,” The man’s low rumbling voice rattled off casually. “I have some records here that you were looking for an Amelia, no last name?”
“Oh, um,” I hurried to tuck myself away in a nearby stairwell, trying to have a private conversation. “Yes, I was.”
“Were you looking for Amelia Davis?” He asked curiously.
I had no clue if this was her last name, but something told me I shouldn’t hesitate, not if it meant getting some answers. “Yes, that’s her! Do you know where she is? Is she still in jail?”
“She was released a few days ago, her husband picked her up,” These words stabbed through my heart like a lead bullet. “Are you related to her at all?”
“Oh, um...n-no, I must have the wrong person,” I could hear the uneasiness in my voice as I tried to keep calm. “The Amelia I know wasn’t married.”
“It says here that you called six months ago about an Amelia who had been incarcerated on assault charges,” The detective continued. “Your message got lost, sorry we took so long to get back to you. You should be able to visit her now, she’s on probation for the next couple months.”
“I see...um...thank you,” I felt my heart slipping deeper and deeper into my stomach, almost nauseated by the news.
There was a moment of silence on the line before the man began to speak frankly. “Look, kid. If you got wrapped up with this woman I would recommend you getting some distance from her. She’s trouble, you’re better off without her.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat before managing a quick farewell, snapping the phone shut. I felt my knees weaken and slid down the wall to the floor, hot tears pooling in my eyes. All this time, I really had been a fool. The stairwell echoed with every sob I tried desperately to stifle, almost mocking my heartbreak.
What was I doing with my life? Dating a married woman? Had I really started down this kind of path? There had to be an explanation, none of it made any sense. It didn’t feel right, not the way it felt when I was with her. I needed answers, not from other people but from her. I had to see her.
Gathering my wits and wiping my eyes, I tried to think of what I could do to find where she lived. Slipping away down the side hallway, I snuck into the secretary’s office of the church. They had a computer in there, I knew there was. I peered in through the reception window to see the secretary rummaging around some paperwork before looking up at me.
“Oh, hello, Rachel,” She smiled, shuffling over to greet me curiously. “You’re not usually in here, how can I help you?”
“I was wondering if you could look something up for me,” I made my best attempt at a smile, hoping she wouldn’t notice I had been crying. If she did notice she didn’t ask.
“Sure, what do you need?” She settled at her desk, waking her computer.
“Can you see if you can find an address for Amelia Davis? I’m supposed to meet her but I lost the paper she wrote it on and she’s not answering her phone,” I laughed a little to lighten the mood. “I think she lives in Cooper City but I can’t remember.”
“Alright, let me see what I can find!” After some typing and web searches she scribbled something down and handed me a piece of paper. “I believe this is her address, it said she lived in Southwest Ranches?”
“Ah, that sounds about right!” I lied as I tucked the paper away and waved. “Thanks for the help!”
“You’re welcome!” She leaned through the reception window as I quickly hurried out of the room. I had her address, now I just had to figure out how to get to her. I couldn’t ask my parents for a ride, that would require answering way too many questions that I wasn’t really prepared to answer. I didn’t know anyone who lived in that area either, and asking around would draw too much attention to myself and my situation. It was then I remembered that my brother had returned from college for the summer and had a car. Maybe I could convince him.
Pulling out my phone, I quickly dialed his number as my foot anxiously tapped on the floor. I waved awkwardly to a couple people passing by before he finally picked up.
“Hey,” I heard lazily on the other end, sounding like he had just woken up.
“Hey, I need a huge favor, can you drive me somewhere? Like...now?” I began to pace around the stairwell entrance, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t turn me down.
“Didn’t Mom and Dad want to have dinner after church?” He muttered sleepily as I heard him shuffling around his room.
“Did they? This won’t take long, it’s really important,” I vaguely recall them mentioning spending time with my brother but that didn’t matter right now. “I can tell them that we’ll meet up after we get back.”
“Alright...give me a couple minutes,” There was a bump and a grumble as he likely found his furniture with his knee.
“I’m still at church, meet me here!” I quickly hung up and began to plan out how I would get away with sneaking off to see Amelia. I didn’t want to wait, even though she was on probation she could technically move to another area away from where she was listed as living. I had this one chance to see her and get my answers, I wasn’t about to let it go. Not now.
It felt like an eternity before my brother finally arrived, having given my parents a half-baked excuse for why I was delaying dinner to go out with my brother. They seemed to accept it, likely just excited that I wanted to spend time with him at all. We hadn’t always been the closest siblings, much of my later years spent alone at home as he had left to go to school over four years ago. It was like being an only child, but not really.
I hurried outside to meet him in the parking lot, hopping in before giving him the address. “This is where we’re going.”
“Do you have directions?” he glanced at me sideways.
“...no, can’t you look it up? You have a smartphone,” I argued, hurrying to buckle up.
“I guess,” He grumbled, having to put work into this mystery mission I called him on. Plugging in the address, he looked up directions and set out.
We drove for a good half hour before arriving at an upscale community with an unguarded gate. I felt a little nervous being here, it was so foreign and removed from the Amelia I knew, the punk rocker who didn’t care about society and stuck it to the man. She hardly seemed like a white picket fence and pearls type that would have lived in this kind of community. Slowly we rolled to a stop in front of an expensive looking house as my brother double-checked the numbers.
“This should be it,” He glanced over at me and mused at my apprehension. “Are you in some sort of trouble?”
“What? No,” I waved him off awkwardly. “Just...just nervous.”
“Oh,” He leaned back, eyeing the house with slight wonder. He didn’t inquire further, to which I was glad for once to be around his quiet demeanor, anyone else would have wanted a full explanation for this adventure.
Silently saying a prayer for my heart to not give out, I willed myself out of the car and made my way to the front door.
Chapter Five
I was sure I had been standing in front of her front door for hours before I gathered the courage to knock. My stomach churned with panic at the unknown finally being answered, I wasn’t sure I was ready to face facts but here I was...being an adult...screaming like a baby inside.
At first there was no answer. I was raising my hand to knock louder when the door finally cracked open. A medium height man stood before me, somewhat stocky with a serious face that made my heart race even more than it already was.
“Can I help you?” The man rumbled gruffly, not at all a welcoming presence.
“Um y-yes,” I began to stammer, not handling his dominating presence very well. I swallowed my nerves and pressed on. “Is Amelia here?”
“Who’s asking?” He glared down at me, his eyes narrowing in silent judgement.
“Rachel, my name is...Rachel,” I fidgeted awkwardly on the front step. “I need to speak with her.”
“She’s not taking visitors, don’t come back,” With that he began to close the door in my face.
Before I knew what I was doing I had thrown myself at the door to stop it, my eyes pleading with the man. “Please, she’s my girlfriend!”
He stopped, scrutinizing me harshly. This was it, I had just admitted our iniquitous relationship to the man she was married to. Surely, I had overstepped my bounds but the next moment he was opening the door again, just a little.
“Stay here,” He grumbled before retreating back into the house.
Blinking in disbelief, I stepped back a little, waiting patiently for what was to come. A soft patter of feet echoed in the house before the familiar shock of purple hair peeked into view.
“Rachel? How did you,” Amelia looked the same. Same rebellious attire, same edgy hair style. I almost breathed a sigh of relief that she wasn’t secretly a Stepford Wife.
“I looked everywhere for you,” I could feel tears stinging the backs of my eyes as I tried to maintain my composure. “Your brother...he said you…”
“I got arrested,” She awkwardly scratched her head before glancing back into the house and stepping outside. “You told him we were dating?”
“I didn’t lie to him, if that’s what you mean,” Her question stung worse than finding out she belonged to another. “Not like you lied to me.”
“What are you talking about?” She frowned, shutting the door behind her. “How did you find me?”
“I looked for you for six months, Amelia,” I crossed my arms over my chest, needing some manner of security as I felt my life unraveling. “I searched for you and all you care about is how I found you? Like I’m some sort of stalker?”
“I didn’t say that,” She shifted slightly, scratching her head. “Can we not...do this…?”
“Do what? What are we doing?” I stepped closer to her. “What were we doing, Amelia? Three months...was everything a lie? Was I just a...a play thing to you?”
“Rachel, don’t,” She tried to push me away, averting her gaze.
“Don’t dismiss me!” I felt the tears escaping, but I didn’t care. “You pulled me into your life! You convinced me to follow you and be with you, we...we were lovers!”
“Rachel, listen -”
“No, you listen!” I interrupted her, finding myself shaking slightly with restrained anger. “I loved you, Amelia! I trusted you, I trusted you because you said what we had was real and genuine. You made me feel special when no one else did. You made me feel like I was the only person you loved, you...you lied to me all that time. All that time you were married to someone else!”
“What? Who...who told you…” She stammered in surprise, trying to interject.
“The cop told me, when I finally found out what happened to you,” Frustrated, I began to pace, still hugging myself. “I can’t believe I was so stupid, to think someone actually cared about me. Instead I find out that I was ‘the other woman’ the entire time. Do you know how that makes me feel? I feel cheap! I feel used!”
“Wait, I -” She tried to reach out to stop me but I pulled away.
“I thought you loved me, Amelia!” I felt my heart pouring out, straining my voice. Months of emotions rushed to get free. “I thought you were serious about me!”
“Stop, please,” Amelia grasped me suddenly, forcing me to face her. I could see the panic in her face. “I wasn’t...I wasn’t using you, Rachel.”
“You were married!” I sobbed, trying to fight free but losing my will to stay strong.
“I was!” She grabbed my face to look me in the eyes. “I was, but I’m not anymore. I haven’t been for years.”
“You...what? But…he,” Suddenly I felt all my wind disappearing, confusion throwing my angry tirade against the rocks.
“Clark and I are divorced,” She said softly, trying to bring me back to my senses. “We’re just roommates now.”
“But...then why did you…” I tried to shake off the fog rolling into my head. “Why didn’t you want him to know we were dating?”
“I didn’t say that,” She sighed, stepping back to scratch her head a little. “I just...I didn’t think you were that serious…”
“Of course I was serious!” I felt insulted by her casual dismissal of what we had. “I never would have given myself to you if I weren’t serious about you!”
“Rachel…” My feelings almost seemed to make her uncomfortable as she chewed on her lip, looking away in shame.
“I don’t care that you went to jail or why you went to jail, that doesn’t change how I feel about you,” I went on, further pouring my heart out to her. “But...to hear you say that it wasn’t serious…it was to me. Every moment...I...I loved you so much,” I shook my head, taking a deep breath. “Please just tell me the truth. Did you ever love me?”
She hesitated, leaning against the door frame. “That’s...not an easy question to answer…”
“It is for me,” Feeling my heart breaking, I pulled her against me for one final kiss. I wanted her to know how I felt, I wanted to show her how much she meant to me. Remember the way her lips felt against mine, though this time her strawberries and cream lip balm tasted a little saltier than I recalled. I could feel her resisting for a second before kissing me back slowly, touching my dampened cheek. I couldn’t keep it up for long before I pulled back, wiping my eyes and taking a deep breath. “Goodbye, Amelia.”
“Rachel, wait!” She tried to stop me but I just couldn’t take hearing her rejection.
Turning, I ran back to the car idling by the street and quickly hopped in, yelling at my brother to go before I changed my mind. I cried all the way home, thankfully he didn’t say a word and just turned on the radio to give me some privacy. Pulling up to the driveway of my home, he stopped and turned a little to face me.
“Do you want to drive around the block a few more times?” He inquired softly, I hadn’t realized that we had taken longer than usual to get to the house. I figured he had just gotten lost after being away so long.
“No,” I pulled myself up, adjusting in the seat and wiping my wet face in a vain attempt at covering my break down.
“Want me to cancel dinner?” I appreciated his offer, but I didn’t want to deprive him of seeing our folks again.
Shaking my head, I slowly opened the door. “No, I’ll just stay home...you go out.”
“Alright,” He nodded vaguely, understanding that it would be better to distract them than leave me to their questioning.
I wandered inside and offered a haphazard excuse for not feeling well before retreating to my room and locking the door. I curled up in bed, waiting until I heard the front door being locked to begin crying again. I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before I woke to pounding on the front door. Confused, I got up and cautiously peeked through the peephole. I felt my breath catch as I saw Amelia on the other side. I leaned on the door, uncertain that I wanted to face her, but why had she come all the way here?
“I heard you, Rachel!” She yelled at the door. “Please come out, I want to talk!”
I silently cursed my creaky house. “Go away!”
“No! You said your peace, I deserve a say too!” She hit the door again before I felt a weight pressing back against the door, imagining her leaning against it too. “You didn’t even give me a chance to explain…”
I fell silent, unsure I wanted to hear what she had to say. Instead I curled up and hugged my knees to my chest, burying my face in my arms.
Waiting a moment before speaking again, Amelia’s voice sounded anxious, almost frantic. “You still there?”
“Leave me alone,” I muttered, hoping she had heard it and opted to comply with my request.
“Not until I say what I want to say, so,” Taking a breath she continued. “Just listen, alright?” She took my lack of response as a yes, resting her head against the door. “I got married when I was 17. I thought it was a good idea at the time, it seemed like I loved Clark or at least I had convinced myself he was worth giving a shot. It was a stupid idea and we ended up getting divorced a couple months later.”
She seemed to be collecting herself before diving into more of her story. “We were still pretty good friends so we decided to keep living together. He was pretty well off but I’ve got a record so it’s hard for me to get steady income, you know? I’ve got a history with my old man, he actually filed a restraining order against me because I wouldn’t stop butting in on how he was raising my brother. He just really pisses me off, you know? I kind of lose it around him, it’s like he knows what buttons to press and just eggs me on.”
I heard her shift a little into a more comfortable position. “Anyway, I haven’t been very good at maintaining a relationship, I guess I never really knew what I wanted but people wanted me. I just obliged and gave them some of my time before we got bored of each other. It worked out fine for me, I never had to commit to anyone and no one wanted a serious relationship. Win-win. Fast forward and I met you…”
She trailed off, I couldn’t tell if she was happy or sad about this fact. I shifted my head a little to listen for her. When I couldn’t hear anything I slowly crawled onto the couch and peered through the curtain. I saw her sitting against the door, but her head was in her hands. Was she crying?
I slipped back to the door and unlocked it, tapping on the door. “The door opens out.”
“Oh,” She shifted, sliding to sit next to the opening as I peered out at her through the crack I had made in the door. We stared at each other for a moment before she looked away and stared at her combat boots. “I um...I didn’t really know what to do with you. I hadn’t spent so much time with someone, I mean...I was used to casual flings and that was about it. But I liked being with you, I was...I was happy to see your stupid smiling face and rosy cheeks.”
“I’ll close this door,” I glared at her, threatening to shut her out.
“Sorry, sorry!” She hurriedly flapped her hands before smiling wryly. “I just...I really liked having you around. I guess...I took you for granted a little, I should have been better…” Her smile slowly disappeared. “I should have treated you better.”
I wasn’t going to disagree with her but I let go of the doorknob, letting her finish her thoughts.
Leaning her head back against the wall, she sighed. “I never expected things to get so serious between us but...I guess they did. I was scared, I thought you would have just forgotten me when I got locked up. I would have forgotten me…”
“I didn’t stop thinking about you,” I muttered, watching her warily.
“I know that now,” She looked over at me cautiously. Her normally hard to read green eyes were vulnerable and confused. “I’m...I’m sorry, I was an idiot.”
I hesitated before speaking up a little. I wanted to know more, know her past and who she was when I wasn’t around. “Why did you get arrested?”
She seemed apprehensive about the topic but answered anyway. “You remember how I said that Sam had a girlfriend? Well...apparently our father was encouraging him to sleep with her. So of course he did and he ended up getting her pregnant.”
“What? Really?” I looked aghast, at least that explained why they had stopped attending church.
“Yeah, except his Dad tried to tell him to dump her because it somehow wasn’t his responsibility, he even suggested she should get an abortion to get rid of it so he didn’t have to pay child support. I found out from Sam and lost it on his Dad, restraining order be damned. I screamed at him, about how those kids screwed up their futures because of him and how that girl was a victim to his terrible parenting. He tried to take a swing at me so I punched him back, that’s when he called the police and had me arrested.”
“But he was wrong!” I found myself caught up in her story, siding with her entirely.
“Not when I’m the one with a record,” She scoffed before looking at me. “I wanted to tell you but I wasn’t allowed to call anyone. By the time I got out, I...I didn’t feel like I deserved to be around you. You deserved a better girlfriend than me…”
“That’s not for you to decide,” I opened the door more, sitting on the stoop beside her. “I’m an adult.”
She laughed a little, smiling over at me. “So I’ve heard.”
I rubbed my arms, feeling a slight chill of uncertainty as I stared at the ground. “So...I guess I never let you answer me before…”
“About how I feel about you?” Her voice was more serious this time as she picked at the loose strings on her ripped knees.
“Yeah,” I fell silent, part of me wanting to run back inside. But that would never give me closure, I needed to hear it from her. I needed to accept it and move on, I needed to be an adult about it.
It felt like an eternity before she responded. “I’m...not really good with feelings...or words...about feelings…”
A slight bit of hope stirred my heart as I glanced at her. “Then...show me.”
“Show you?” She looked over, a little surprised by the options I gave.
I nodded, preparing myself for anything for whatever would come. “If you want to be with me, then take my hand and take me somewhere where we can be alone. If you don’t, then...just...leave. You don’t have to say anything.”
She seemed uncertain with the choices I gave her, eventually getting to her feet and staring down at me. As if thinking over her options, she muttered softly. “But you don’t have any shoes on.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking up with hope and tears in my eyes. She smiled wryly and nodded as I shakily grabbed the sandals lying inside the door. Dropping them on the ground outside the door, I slipped my feet slowly in before looking up to see her hand waiting patiently in front of my face.
Grasping her hand, I felt the weight of my heart being lifted as we embraced, dissolving into a mess of tears and happiness. I shut the door and followed her out to her red jeep, climbing inside before we pulled out of the driveway and disappeared down the street into that hazy Sunday afternoon.
